Kwai Gonn Jinn needs toilet paper

Curious observations about women:

1. Women are so in to arts and crafts, they even feel the creative compulsion in the restroom. Notice how they make oven mits out of toilet paper by circling their hands with the material several hundred times. If you don't believe me, make note of how much TP is in your roll before the next time a girl uses your bathroom, and see how much is left afterwards. Men can generally make due with 4-8 sheets, women's usage has to be measured in inches of circumference taken off of the roll.

2. Some, not all women, but some are consumed with perceptions of cleanliness. Not actual cleanliness I must add, just the perception of it. If you've ever witnessed the following phenomenon, you will know what I mean: When women move out of their apartments, some will actually clean before the cleaning crew gets there, so that the cleaning crew doesn't perceive them to be messy. Strangely, if you actually saw what that person's apartment looked like before the obligatory final cleaning, it would look similar to your own, messy, man-room.

3. Single women, under the age of 23, are incapable of being happy for other women. When one actually achieves a working, functional relationship, her friends will stare at her from afar at social settings the way men stare at their friend who skipped out on the bachelor party to go to the ballet with their girlfriend. The conversation will go something like this....
Girl 1: "Wow, he's really sticking with her.....even though her face is a little...unfortunate"
Girl 2: "Yeah but good for her though, did you hear he bought her a necklace for valentines day?"
Girl 3: "My ex did that, I found out later it was so he didn't feel as bad for cheating on me"
Girl 2: "Wow, you don't think he's cheating on her do you"
All Collectively: (Internalized thought) "God I hope so"

4. Women are aggregately better at school than we are. This is no joke, they really are. Imagine how much concentration you had when you were 14, you were home alone, and you were trying to crank one out before anyone got home. Multiply that intense concentration level by 5, and you have some idea of how focused they can be at school. While you and I are dreaming of guitar lines, who the cowboys will draft next or what we just saw on the history channel, they are whipping our asses at the books. Why? Because there are only a finite number of purses in the world to purchase, so attention inevitably falls to something else. The danger here is that our society has evolved such that academic pursuits are the main source for eventual success in the world. This is why I support a nuclear winter. We need to take things back to ground zero, so that he who throws the rock the hardest eats the eight legged dog. Otherwise, we are all doomed to be oblitherated as the species' dominant gender.

Harold and Kumar working(well one of us)

So I've found some interesting things about the working world. For example, I have to make the adjustment of knowing I'm talking to co-workers, and not friends who know and accept my dimensia. When someone asks me what my favorite color is, I can't reply "naked". This just weirds them out and furthers the rumor that I am Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. I should probably also stop calling Maggie on the speaker phone and saying things like "Maggie, it puts the lotion on its skin."
I also need to stop using the accents I keep thinking in my mind. My boss has never watched Family Guy, so he has no idea what the Stewie voice is or why I keep saying "yeahhh, thats the good stuff."
I also have to tell my friends to stop IMing me mid-day to tell me about their weekend whiskey-dick story. This is self explanatory.
Lastly, inside jokes must be curbed a bit. My friends and I play a game called "I would ______ in exchange for _______." The premise is to ask a person what they really want, then keep racheting up the price for said thing until they are forced to admit something incredibly embaressing. My favorite sofar has been a friend who admitted that in exchange for sex with Jessica Alba, he would go to an alternate dimension and rape himself. This of course begat the question "If you heard a knock on your door, and opened it to reveal your doppleganger holding a rope, would you acquiece gently, knowing what this was all about.
I love this game, but I have gone to the bathroom before only to come back and see one of these messages posted at the front of my screen. Sweet hell people, ask before you leave something like that.

...and we're back

well......i'm back at least.....i'm sure harold will be in soon enough........anyway.....here's the update: went to law school.....still jobless......moving on........

let's talk about sanjaya......i don't watch american idol....never have.....never will......but i was reading an indian blog that i like and saw this video:



wow......hunger strike? that's not at all offensive......this lady's myspace page is filled up with a ton of hateposts and of course many people are saying that this is just spurring them on to vote for this guy even more.....i'll tell you what......i'm getting all my tech support relatives in the motherland on the phone immediately......LONG LIVE SANJAYA!!!

next topic.....horns lost today......that crushes me........nuff said

next topic.....does it ever bother you when the news reports the results of a scientific study that is so completely obvious......."we now turn to a stunning breakthrough from the scientific community.....researchers at genius university are reporting that eating fruits and vegetables may help you live longer while ingesting heroin could be hazardous to your health.....more on that at 11....now back to you dan".......the whole "more on that at 11" could be a whole separate post itself..........anyway..........this article states that students with myspace/facebook accounts have lower grades....WHAT? i thought my kid had that new dual climate control brain where one half of his consciousness could comfortably and diligently focus on algebra equations while the other half could scour the internet for clever semi-pornographic pictures and videos to impress the buddies with.........oh well.........also......apart from the whole there are only so many hours in a day argument........wouldn't you also think that in general, kids with better socializing skills would have lower grades.......or rather kids with poor social skills would have better grades?

anyway....that's enough for now....